Jul 27
2015

Changes and Priorities

Hi Guys,

It has been almost 3 weeks since I last showed up here, and I have missed it so much. The most important reason for this absence was our move in July. We moved across states in US, and all the packing- unpacking-cleaning, consumed my every waking hour. However to be really honest, that was only one part of the reason, not the whole of it. The truth is also that I was distracted, and was having a hard time to focus on anything, because a large part of my mental energy was going towards anxiety, due to the  following reasons.

This move is just the beginning of a whole new period of transition for us. There are some big changes  that are coming up on the domestic front.  For one, my toddler is going to start preschool this fall.  This is a relatively big change for me, as D has never been out of my care , and for the first time I have to learn to let go, which is surprisingly harder than I imagined.

In other news, I am finally going to get my work visa, after almost 5 years of being in US. While I have  always wanted to do a job, when the opportunity is almost here, I am becoming increasingly anxious about the changes that this will require in our daily routine. Just to be clear, I still want to work (outside of the house). I don’t doubt that at all.

Both these things are positive changes. In-spite of knowing that, my mind was running hoops around all the different scenarios in which things can go wrong. This is very typical of me. I am a huge worry wart, and at that particular time, I was in a desperate need of an antidote to my worries.

Changes-and-Priorities

That is when I took out my notepad, and wrote down my priorities. Once I did that, I wrote down all the positives that will come along with both of these  changes. This exercise helped me clear my head, and forced me to focus on the positives of the situation and my priorities, instead of my largely baseless worries.

Such a strange relationship we have with Change, don’t we? More often than not, changes are simply a result of conscious choices that we make. Even knowing this, they can get pretty difficult to handle. I feel that the struggle is mostly mental, which is due to our natural tendency to fear the unknown, and resist anything that challenges the status quo.

The thing that is even stranger is that most of this mental battle can be successfully fought and resolved just by putting pen to paper. This is especially true for me.

“When you start putting pen to paper, you see a side of your personal truth that doesn’t otherwise reveal itself in conversation or thought. “ – Anthony Kiedis

I would love to hear from you guys. How do you deal with anxiety and baseless worries? Do you think that the fear of unknown can make us anxious even about positive changes? What is your go-to stress buster?

In my teens, I used to sleep it off. However, the only thing that sleeping really helped in, was getting me slightly disoriented for a while. 😛 It  never solved anything.  Writing is more fool-proof. 😀

Lots of Love

Shantala

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Comments

  1. I’ve always been a victim of my fears of what lies ahead. And like you I tend to hot things down and try to weigh the pros n cons. The anxiety lingers at times… Its up to us to just have faith that whatever decision we take will work out for the best
    Roshan R recently posted…Quote Challenge Day 3 – If you light a lamp for someone else…My Profile

  2. Lata Sunil says:

    I just sleep it off. I have seen that worrying doesn’t help but being mentally alert does. As you said, I do analyse the various aspects of my worry. And as a techie, use some logic to get around the problem to find a solution. But if all fails, I just sleep. Wish you all the best for the many changes! It is actually sounding so exciting.

    • I know!! It is indeed an exciting time of transition, which is precisely why the worries are baseless. 🙂 But as far as the preschool thing is concerned, all logic goes down the drain and I just can’t help myself from worrying. I guess Motherhood does that to you. 😛
      Shanaya Tales recently posted…Changes and PrioritiesMy Profile

  3. Change is the only constant, contradictory though it may sound!! Accepting change is not easy and I try to look at the bigger picture to help me accept. Good luck with the school and your job!

  4. It happens, I consider myself pretty bindass but when I was constructing and shifting to my new house in the same city, I had lost 5 kilos, just beacuse of anxiety 🙂 But ‘change’ is a good teacher. Don’t worry about D, kids are very resilient and adapt very fast. Congrats on the visa and all the best for your new job.
    Ruchi Singh recently posted…Spotlight On ‘The Seventh Cup’My Profile

  5. Change is very worrying but the only constant. Not to sound like a fortune cookie 😉 But this year has been scarily different. The good news? People are incredibly resilient, yep even kids. I know it won’t be easy, my dear. And I also know it’s a lot of simultaneous changes. However you’ll surprise yourself and so will the family. Many hugs and good wishes for a great change ahead. God speed.
    Shailaja recently posted…My heart’s treasure- #Cherished BlogFestMy Profile

    • Thank you so much, Shailaja. I needed to hear that. 🙂 <3

      We had our first appointment at Montessori (pre-school) today, and I am feeling a little better about the whole situation. I think it is always worser in our imagination. 🙂
      Shanaya Tales recently posted…Changes and PrioritiesMy Profile

  6. Changes in our life do make us anxious and that’s because the new things are out of our comfort zone. A few weeks/months later, these earlier ‘new changes’ become old and routine. Wishing you and the little one the very best as you step out to explore and enjoy!
    I am big worrier too. Practicing Reiki calms and soothes my distracted and agitated mind!
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…All or Nothing DayMy Profile

  7. Its always difficult to see your loved one adjusting to the routine of school. And congratulations on the work visa. I also try to list the pros and cons of a decision and then decide on how to go about it.
    Nidhi recently posted…Classic RisottoMy Profile

  8. Writing it down really does work. We had our son do that when he couldn’t decide what college he wanted to attend. He wrote lists of the pros and cons of his top three choices and it became clear to him. Good luck on your job hunt and congrats on the move.
    Susan Gourley recently posted…Sprint Journal and VacationMy Profile

  9. I still sleep it off, you know. It is a slight distraction. But with that I somehow feel refreshed to think over the problems and find a solution or to analyze what’s best! I’m glad you have such positive things happening to you at this time. All the best, Shantala. 🙂
    Shalini recently posted…Quote Challenge Day 1 – Be Like a Duck!My Profile

  10. Hi,
    For me, even though I accept the fact that change is inevitable however, I find it a real troublesome task to adjust to any changes in my life, small or big. That fear of moving out of the comfort zone kind of weighs down on me. I go through the first phase of denial each and every time. Then I follow the self consoling trick of writing down and finding out the pros and cons of the changes. I really don’t know how that helps. But in my case it does make me gradually accept the change.
    Then the repeat process happens when the next change arrives. 🙂
    Good that you have found your focus back. 🙂
    Salvwi Prasad recently posted…Whoop, Screech, I say “Hi”My Profile

    • Thank you so much, Salvwi. 🙂

      In my case, writing it down makes the problem seem smaller, and as I continue to pen down my thoughts, I am able to get more clarity on the situation. That is my go-to method of coping with change. 🙂
      Shanaya Tales recently posted…Changes and PrioritiesMy Profile

  11. Rubina Ramesh says:

    Shantala , I HEAR YOU. Same boat. I am quivering in fear. All these days it was so easy blaming others for not working 😛 Now that it is staring on my face I am in a delimna. This safe cacoon that i have carved for myself is so difficult to let go. But we will do it .. as we usually do … 🙂 Best of luck. Holler if you need a shoulder and be sure you are going to hear plenty of knocks too ..:D

  12. Don’t you worry, Shantala. I am also a worry wart, and even minor changes can get my system in knots. But, there is something I have observed, and that is, how much ever I may worry about anything, things generally fall into place smoothly and that my worries are pretty baseless. And, my worrying also helps me come up with new solutions for problems that may rise if things don’t go as planned. So, I think, it is okay to worry, but at the same time, keep your mind busy with finding alternatives and solutions to problems that you think that can arise in situations that are going to change in your life now. I hope you follow what I am trying to say. Talk it out or write it down and just let things happen in their own way. I am sure it will all be fine in the end.
    Best wishes for the future and hugs for my worry wart of a friend! <3
    Shilpa Gupte recently posted…Secrets.My Profile

    • Now that is very true. It is the one positive outcome of my worries. I am always prepared for several different scenarios, and the real situation is always far better than the imaginary ones. 😛

      Thank you so much for your wishes and hugs right back at you. 😀 <3
      Shanaya Tales recently posted…Changes and PrioritiesMy Profile

  13. Changes, good or bad, are always scary and always make us anxious..Don’t worry you’ll be fine…

    When I get anxious, I usually write, listen to music or just cry…of course just taking it all out infront of S helps me a lot..

    It’s natural and like you I’m a worry wart too!
    nabanita recently posted…Not A #FreeWrite Or A #FreeWriterMy Profile

  14. I can so relate to what you are saying Shantala! Change is the only constant in life, they say. BUT…
    Wish you all the best! I am sure you will come out in flying colours as you are going about it in the right fashion – facing things head on.
    I always believed in the power of prayers. I realised their value when my first child crossed the road without me – her first step towards independence.
    All the best!

  15. Give yourself some credit! You sprang back within 3 weeks…I would have taken much longer! the packing -unpacking can be really tiring and yea, writing is more cathartic than sleeping it over! The only time I slept over something was after my 10 th board exams..I slept like log…..!!

  16. You are so right! Sometimes, putting our thoughts on paper are better and it helps us clear our mind. Change is not easy but it must happen to give us all kinds of experiences in life. Hope this change works out for the best!
    Parul recently posted…#MicroblogMondays – For the Love of KannadaMy Profile

  17. I can relate to you, Shantala. As you know, we have moved to another part of UK just recently, and the move was so tiring as it took more than 2 months and we first went back to India, renewed visa and came here with all of our stuff and now settled in. My son hasn’t got an admission in the school here, we have to wait till September when the schools reopen to get admission it seems. And I am also toying with the idea of getting back to work. But I haven’t made up my mind yet. If I can find something to work from home, with flexible hours or so, that would great. Because I don’t know after all these years, me going back to work, how it will affect my son. On top of that my husband is busier than ever. That’s why my presence online is not as usual, because last two weeks I was literally driving me crazy with all these thoughts. And again to top it all of, we are thinking about baby number 2, but the conditions are still not ideal for us, but my son wants a baby so badly. I am not sure if it is right to write a blog post about all these. I couldn’t help but share my dilemmas here. 🙂 I hope everything is okay with you and you have find a rhythm in your life by now, Shantala. Sometimes I don’t know whether to pray or scream like Ted Mosby did to make it rain. Who knows, what will work!! 🙂
    Vinitha recently posted…The ME TIME dilemmasMy Profile

  18. Glad to see you back and happy to know that the move went well. Both the changes you described can be intimidating! Not being a Mom myself, I can only guess that letting go of the little guy is going to be the more difficult of the two. All the best. Take deep breaths and know that you are thought of and prayed for!
    Corinne Rodrigues recently posted…The Power Of Gratitude #GratitudeCircleMy Profile

  19. The best part was you acted. You jotted down your priorities in black and white. This itself is an initiation, isn’t it. Glad that by writing down, you are now aware, how you’d want to take ur life towards.

    All the best.
    Ajay Pai recently posted…My Notorious Smile.My Profile

  20. Congratulations !Your blog post has been selected for tangy Tuesday Picks of 04th August 2015 at BlogAdda. Cheers 🙂

    You can check here: http://blog.blogadda.com/2015/08/04/spicy-saturday-picks-04-august-2015

  21. I have recently discovered meditation and am mind blown by how amazingly it helps me not worry and over think. I have become a lot more positive and calm since I started practicing meditation. 🙂
    Pooja recently posted…Magical glue!My Profile

  22. Firstly, I liked the quote that you have put. I am copying that for my casual blog.

    Now, about your post – completely agree. There are times when you are completely off-the-track and you can’t focus on anything. This also true when you have to take decisions, but you feel you are so confused.

    For you, writing down the priorities give you clarity. For me what has worked is to just not think about it. sometimes, over-thinking is the culprit. When you free up your mind (like you free up some RAM on your systems), the mind is able to see things clearly by itself.

    And then, it is All Clear! 😉
    Dhakkanz recently posted…Why Delhi University’s cut-offs are going crazyMy Profile

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