The day that I was looking forward to with equal parts of anxiety and anticipation has finally dawned. The change that I had mentioned in my post Changes & Priorities is here. Today I sent little D for his first day of pre-school. Actually as I write this, he is still at school, and my mind is running around in circles as to what is going on there. So, since I can’t stop thinking about him, I thought I shall as well write about him.
This is the first time that he is away from me for such a long period of time, with the exception of staying with his grandparents for some hours last year, but that is different. He was home, and among the people he knew and loved. Today he is with unfamiliar people, in unfamiliar surroundings, and just thinking of that makes me really anxious. 🙁
I was looking forward to this milestone from a long time. I had anticipated the kid free time with much excitement, and had made big plans of what I would do in these 3 hours every day. But today I am just a bundle of nerves calling his school every 30 minutes. They assure me that he is doing fine, and actually enjoying his time with his new friends. But really, that is just the equivalent of a drop of cool water in a scorched desert.
While I was dropping him off today, I assured him that I will be back to pick him, and that he will be having loads of fun with his friends. I expected him to be slightly upset, and just a little anxious, but instead he was happy and looking forward to playing with his friends. This is what he told me – ‘Go. Do your work, Amma (mom). I will be fine. Don’t worry. I will play. You pick me. Okay?’ That should have reassured me, but instead I had a hard time controlling my tears, which I did, as the last thing I wanted to do was show him how anxious and upset I was.
I know sending him to preschool is the best thing for him and for me. He is so ready to make new friends, grow socially and emotionally, and get his first taste of independence. I know I am ready for this time we will spend apart as well. I can take care of my chores while he is in school. As a result of which I will be able to focus on him and have more patience with him when he is home. Because let’s face it, this three-nager phase can be adorable, fulfilling, and heart-warming, but it is also very VERY difficult, and a break is just what is required to maintain our sanity.
I am sure that this will get easier, as it is just school, not jail. 😛 But really, where is the time for logic and common sense when you are so focused on dealing with the gut-wrenching moment of letting go of your child. And…OKAY that may be overly dramatic, but you know what I mean. 🙂
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This day also feels momentous as I know that this is just the first day of the next 18 plus years of his schooling. There is no going back to the precious uninterrupted time I had with my little one. Soon he will progress to kindergarten, and then full day schooling. Eventually there will be college, where he may even have to live away from us. But wait, let’s not go there, college is too far away, and today I am way too emotional to even think about things like that.
So as of now I will settle for soaking up this mommy moment that is making me overly sentimental for my baby, and yet so proud of this amazing little boy he is turning into. 😀
Did your kid start pre-school this year? Last year? A decade back? I feel like I kind of overacted to the whole situation, especially considering that D did not appear the least bit ruffled. I am curious to hear from you guys. Did you have an experience similar to mine? Did your little one show any signs of separation anxiety at all? Or was overjoyed to just get away like mine?
P.S. Sorry if this post is very sappy. I can’t help it. I sent my baby to preschool today. 🙁
P.P.S. I was meaning to hit the publish button on this post before I went to pick him up, but ran out of time. So I have a little update on the day. When I went to bring him home, he was reluctant to come. He said he was having ‘TOO MUCH FUN’ and that he will ‘COME HOME TOMORROW’. Hmmphh! So much for my anxiety and tears. 😐
*Linking this to WriteTribe’s #MondayMusings
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Shalini
Hahahaa… I loved the P.P.S part 😀 So much for your gut-wrenching feelings! I am glad that he had a good time. You be happy, okay?
Shalini recently posted…Happy Birthday, Blog! You’re Two!
Shanaya Tales
I will. I am trying hard. Thanks for being there, Shalini. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Bogglehead
I am no one to give advice on motherhood emotions as I am yet to experience it but I must say that from where I am, it looks like your baby is much more adept at handling this than you and that’s a good thing. You must be very proud of him 🙂 Yes, this is the start of your kid growing up but we can do very little to stop them from growing up right? So I feel it’s better to enjoy new experiences as they come 🙂
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Shanaya Tales
Oh yes, he is much more adept at this. I guess I should just be happy and proud that he is making this transition so smoothly. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Geets
Hahah.. No kids as of now.. But it was nice reading your post. The feeling seems so sweet and sad at the same time. And who knows, in some time he will be bringing friends over 😉 😛
Cheers
Geets recently posted…Reflections- August
Shanaya Tales
Oh yes…It IS bitter-sweet. You will figure that out in your time. As of now, enjoy the kid free years. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Corinne Rodrigues
Congratulations are certainly in order, Shantala! That your little chap is so well-adjusted so soon is a huge credit to you!
Loved the postscript! 🙂
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Shanaya Tales
Hahaha..I was not even sure if I should be happy or sad about the P.P.S. But I will settle for relieved. 😛 Thank you so much for your wishes, Corinne. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Soumya
Awwwww this was so cute. I do not have kids so I’m not too sure about how this feels. Yet.
I’m so glad he is so mature and making it so easy for you. Love to him!
<3
Soumya recently posted…Action Replay – August 2015
Shanaya Tales
Thank you so much, Soumya. 🙂 He is indeed making this easy for me. I can’t thank him enough for that. 🙂
Oh and you will get to experience a lifetime of love, worry and such bittersweet moments in the future. As of now, enjoy your baby-free years. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Nabanita
No experience here at all… I can’t imagine what you might be feeling..but hang in there , every mother has to face this…And as you yourself said it’s good for both of you 🙂
Nabanita recently posted…Grateful, In Sickness & In Health…#MondayMusings
Shanaya Tales
Oh yes, it is better for the both of us. I just have to keep the broader picture in mind. That makes it easier. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
lata
Lovely post and reflective of the anxiety all parents go through. The love for our kids is gut wrenching, isn’t it?
lata recently posted…The day I met Shah Rukh Khan!
Shanaya Tales
It IS. There is nothing that it can be compared to. The most wonderful, purest form of love. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Sundari Venkatraman
Awwww Shantala, I can so relate to your anxiety; even though my daughter started hers some 27 years ago. 😀 She wasn’t very happy to let go of Mummy and cried. I promised her that I will wait right outside her playschool. Believe it or not, I don’t enjoy lying and hence, used to wait right outside on the staircase where there was no light nor fan. I used to take a book with me till the day I could tell her truthfully that I will come back to pick her up end of school. It got easier when it was my son’s time to attend school as he had already seen his elder sister going to school everyday. All the best! This is part of a mother growing up 😀 Hugs!!!
Shanaya Tales
Oh yes, you put it well. This has as much to do with me growing as a mother, as it has to do with D growing up and spreading his wings. Thank you for being there, Sundari. Hugs. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Parul
Ha ha! sorry for that but I was smiling throughout and I did not find the post sappy. I was like really? You worried cos you have 3 hours to sleep? 😛 ON a serious note, you will do fine and he will do awesome. Trust me! Smart Aunt knows this 🙂
Parul recently posted…Gratitude List – August 2015
Shanaya Tales
Smart Aunt is very wise indeed. 😀 Thank you so much for your words, Parul. Made me smile through a difficult time. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Salvwi Prasad
I am not qualified yet to speak on motherhood emotions. I am still the audience and not the protagonist.
But one thing I could relate to in your post is the anxiety and sentiments. These are exactly same to what I heard from my sister. Coincidentally, she also sent my niece to her pre-school for the first time today. 🙂
My sister has been rehearsing the routine of sending my little niece to the pre-school since last week. She was excited until yesterday, when it settled in her mind that her little one will be away for few hours. Since then until the moment this first day of pre-school for my niece was over, my sister was riding the roller-coaster of emotions. So I definitely relate to your sentiments in that way. 🙂
However, congratulations to you and your kid. The first day and step is successfully done.
Salvwi Prasad recently posted…If I could eat the air over The Everest
Shanaya Tales
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your sister’s experience, Salvwi. I hope your niece had a good day. It takes longer for the moms to adjust to this, but as long as the little ones are happy, it is all good. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Somali K Chakrbarti
Congratulations Shantala. I know exactly what you mean. The letting go thing is as difficult for a mom as it is for the kid or maybe even more. But believe me that’s a momentary feeling. Soon you will start relishing the time that you get for yourself and find yourself getting engaged with pre & then school activities. A much bigger jolt of letting go comes 18 years hence, when a child moves out to a hostel. 🙂
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Shanaya Tales
Oh I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult THAT would be. As of now, just taking one step at a time. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Rach
Looks like, our kids are similar too! Most kids are dragged *to* school, mine is dragged home *from* school! Heheh
Anyways, if my immeasurable experience 😛 of months is anything to go by, the first week or so will feel empty but now, it is a part of life and I am so excited when T comes home to show her work or sing and tell me about her day at school. Also, I believe, she feels grown up, because when everyone asks her, what happens when mommy goes to work, she shrugs, I go to school! 🙂 🙂
Wait till D picks up other things (read: tantrums) from the others. That’s the post I want to read 😀
Wishing D the Best! And >:D< to you
Shanaya Tales
I know! These kids!! Makes me wonder why they are so eager to get away. :/ 😛
No tantrums yet. I hope it stays that way. We have however picked up the American accent within the first few days.
He: I made a new friend – Pha-trick.
Me: Do you mean Patrick, D?
He: No mom, its Pha-trick.
😐 😐 😐
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Shobana Arunachalam
Mine goes to pre-school in a week and I am already a bundle of nerves. Every time we talk about expectations, I am the one who ends up with tears in my eyes. I have already done this once before and it should be easier but it is harder this time around. I think that is because I realize how fast she grew and how little time I have spent with her. I haven’t given her my undivided attention and that makes it all the more harder for this period of separation.
Shanaya Tales
Awww..I can understand. However, I think we moms can be overly harsh on ourselves. Worry not, it will be fine. We still have the weekends (which might just tire us out and make us long for monday 😛 ) and then the vacations. You will have ample time with her. So cheer up. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Lata Sunil
Shantala, the first day is the toughest. As our whole world revolved around the little one for about 4 years ever since you knew you were pregnant. The sudden change throws us out of rhythm. When my elder son went to school the first day, i was distraught. I couldnt spend it at my own home without him as I felt very lonely. But as you said, it is the first of many such first steps, be prepared. .
Shanaya Tales
Oh yes, the first of many many more such firsts to come. Lets hope he is able to handle all those transitions this smoothly. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Rachna
Yay! The day has dawned. I can understand your emotions. But it will get easier. Within no time you will begin enjoying this respite. The fact that he is happy makes ig easier. I have seen kids who cry for months. Come on now, cheer up. Go have a cookie. 😉
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Shanaya Tales
Hehehe..thank you Rachna. This did cheer me up. 😀 It is Day 4, and things are marginally better, so I have hope for the future. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Jaibala Rao
Congrats. Believe me it does get easier. As in our anxiousness never ends but we learn to deal with it. The change is a big deal for us rather than them. Letting go will get easier in the coming weeks.
Jaibala Rao recently posted…The Black Cat
Shanaya Tales
I sure hope so, Jaibala. As of now, I am just thankful that he has taken this well. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Nilima
Good day!
My kiddo started pre-school this June too. He was always ready before time for school. Cheerful, excited. The teachers loved that about him. Now in the 3rd month with lessons about colors,shapes,… and a lil discipline he is reluctant to go. Everyday we have to control the meltdowns, show him something exciting in or after school.
Terrible 2’s they say, lets c.
I on the other hand try to make the most of the 2hours time.
Guess it takes time for both parties to settle down & accept it + enjoy it.
All d best !
Nilima recently posted…Food: Prakash Shakahari Upahar Kendra, Dadar
Shanaya Tales
Thank you so much, Nilima. I certainly plan to put the quiet time to good use. 🙂
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Sid
Congrats! You made it through day one?
I totally get it. Even though my little one had been going to play school since he turned 18 months, moving him to a proper school a few months ago was hard. But hey, they seem to cope a lot better than we do.
As for the reaction from Your better half, I can honestly tell you that it’s not a male thing. It’s just that most primary care takers are moms rather than dads. So invariably kids spend more time around moms. The other parent, usually dads, usually only get the good and playful sides:)
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Shanaya Tales
They certainly do cope better than us. Actually I am glad about that. This is hard enough even with him being happy about it. I don’t even want to imagine how I would feel if he is all upset about me dropping him off.
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.
Nidhi
Awww Shantala! Sending your child to school/day care for the first time is more difficult for us mums than kids I guess. I remember crying for the entire 3 hrs in the school’s waiting area while my son enjoyed with other kids. But it will get easier on you and you will look forward to these 3 hrs eventually. My best wishes to you and ‘D’.
Nidhi recently posted…Mawa Kachori
Shanaya Tales
Thank you so much, Nidhi. I had no idea how hard this would be. Thankfully he is happy and excited about it. 🙂
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Shailaja
He he this is day one. Wait till he realises this is a daily thing 🙂 It’s really hard letting go. Trust me. I know. But it gets easier. Definitely.
Here’s my experience. Gosh it feels like so long ago!
http://www.shailajav.com/2009/01/playschool-first-week.html
Shanaya Tales
Oh I hope he feels this way all the time. This is hard enough without him being upset too.
Shanaya Tales recently posted…First Day of Preschool | The First Day of the next 18 plus years. Sniff.